Most of us would find it difficult to criticize people we really care about... and unfortunately, even though we may criticize them because we care, most times criticism is not well received - and I suppose, that's a normal human response.
Some years ago, a visiting 'guru' from India had been invited to address a group of my student-teachers and he suggested that if he said ten positive things about them and one negative thing, that they would mainly be concerned about the negative thing.
"So, you've got a really nice personality; and I like your work ethic; you dress really well; and your hair is always well groomed; but your hand writing is a bit untidy..." My hand writing is untidy - geez!
The guru went on to suggest that not only would we focus on the negative comment, but we would also be inclined to hold it against him. "How dare you tell me about my hand writing!"
So how do we provide feedback about someone's faults? How do I tell my students about their (strengths and) weaknesses without being offensive. Well the guru suggests that before we can criticize someone, we first need to establish a relationship with them. A relationship that is based on respect and sincerity. I like to refer to this relationship as intimate - and depending on the context - professionally intimate.
So build meaningful (professionally) intimate relationships with your students, colleagues... and yes, children!!! Only then, can we become more comfortable about giving and receiving feedback about our faults...
+ve vibes,
Mark
