You have beautiful eyes..., but your nose is crooked!

Most of us would find it difficult to criticize people we really care about... and unfortunately, even though we may criticize them because we care, most times criticism is not well received - and I suppose, that's a normal human response.

Some years ago, a visiting 'guru' from India had been invited to address a group of my student-teachers and he suggested that if he said ten positive things about them and one negative thing, that they would mainly be concerned about the negative thing.

"So, you've got a really nice personality; and I like your work ethic; you dress really well; and your hair is always well groomed; but your hand writing is a bit untidy..."  My hand writing is untidy - geez!

The guru went on to suggest that not only would we focus on the negative comment, but we would also be inclined to hold it against him. "How dare you tell me about my hand writing!"

So how do we provide feedback about someone's faults? How do I tell my students about their (strengths and) weaknesses without being offensive. Well the guru suggests that before we can criticize someone, we first need to establish a relationship with them. A relationship that is based on respect and sincerity. I like to refer to this relationship as intimate - and depending on the context - professionally intimate.

So build meaningful (professionally) intimate relationships with your students, colleagues... and yes, children!!! Only then, can we become more comfortable about giving and receiving feedback about our faults...

+ve vibes,
Mark

Order - don't cross the border!

Soca artiste Maximus Dan (formally Magadan) is probably best known for his patrotic hit "Soca Warrior" that he sang in support of the T&T football team that went on to qualify for it's first FIFA World Cup in Germany, 2006. Maximus is also well known for his mantra, "Order, don't cross the border" - that he would often interject during his performances to promote his own advocacy for personal and social responsibility.

Unfortunately, the real challenge with today's society is not only in getting people to operate within the 'borders' of acceptable behaviour, but probably more importantly, to more clearly define what is acceptable. So where exactly is the border? What is acceptable and what is not... and who cares... does it really matter? And who determines where the borders are drawn?

Well, consider the dilemma that young people face when different institutions/agencies (schools, religion, politics, family, friends, etc) all present varying interpretations of the "borders". So where do you stand - pro-life or pro-choice; pre-marital sex or not; God or no God; smelter or no smelter...?

And then, just when you've made an informed decision, after you've analyzed as much info as you can - and you choose to stand behind a particular border.... somebody decides to move it! So, now the border is blurry - because even within established institutions, there seems to be a growing trend of 'flexible borders'. Things no longer seem to be clearly right or wrong - so many shades of grey... and we wonder why it's so difficult for our young people to respond to Maximus Dan's cry for order.

+ve vibes,
Mark

Only 100 more steps to take - where would you go?

About 15 years ago I first met (Master Artist) LeRoy Clarke as he addressed a group of secondary school students at the Fyzabad Composite School - I was a bit turned off by the way he spoke to the students and some years later when I was asked to meet with the man, I couldn't hold back from telling him that I found him to be a bit impatient. To my relief he laughed it off and in short time, I began to feel a sense of comfort in his (intimidating) presence... and now I looked forward to another meeting, with less concern about the project that had brought us together and more about this interesting individual - Master Artist, Poet, Elder, National Heritage, Chief... and the unknown possibilities of this new interaction.


Our meetings turned out to be totally new dimension of learning for me and today I share with you one simple but very profound question that he posed to me: "If you had only 100 more steps to take, where would you go?" (maybe not his exact words, but pretty close)


I really cannot even begin to capture Clarke's explanation of this question, but suffice it to say that it got me thinking about all of the 'steps' in life that we take... often because we take it for granted that we have an unlimited number of 'steps' available to us. We go here, there and everywhere... often with no real sense of direction... no real sense of purpose. 


In my mind, Clarke's question really challenges us to live a more purposeful life - to take more deliberate 'steps'. Of course, if Clarke got in on this blog, he would probably have a totally different explanation of all of this - as he often told me when I couldn't understand his writings/discourse - you don't always have to be searching for purpose/meaning, sometimes you just need to appreciate things for what they are... 


So, today I ask the question to you, if you had only 100 more steps to take, where would you go?


+ve vibes,
Mark

The Good, the Bad and the Ugly

So another year passes and as we head into 2010 I thought it would be a good idea to share some of my reflections with you. As with any year, we always have some good stuff and some not so good stuff - my not so good stuff was the really sad passing of Mark Daly - and although he's been on my mind often since his passing, I'm feeling much less sad today than I did at his funeral. I'll always remember his beautiful spirit and hopefully we'll find a meaningful way to keep his legacy alive.

Probably the most significant positive thing for me in 2009 was my reconnect with the 1st Pres Sea Scouts - a movement that I grew up in... where I learned the true value of brotherhood and where I developed many valuable life skills - leadership, commitment, personal responsibility, initiative, innovation, problem solving... and I as I returned to the beauty of Turtle Bay on Monas Island - just off the Northwestern Peninsula of Trinidad, I cringed at the horror of what was left of two scout houses where we spent many a holiday camp. The 1st Pres scout house (Copper Hole) that doubled as a retreat centre for students at Pres College sitting at the point of the bay was suspiciously destroyed by fire earlier in 2009.  And the Fatima scout house that once boasted a picturesque kitchen and dining area on the water front, with a large dorm facility along the hillside overlooking the bay... was now nothing - the only evidence was the smashed concrete floor eroded by the ocean... and the neglect... it was an ugly sight and absolutely unbelievable!

And then there was the campfire... and the spirit of the young scouts who pitched tents on the same ground that once housed the dorms and who unaware of the history of the venue, lustily sang campfire songs, performed short skits and poked fun at each other... and reminded me that the value of this wonderful institution was not in the concrete structures, but in the hearts of those who embrace its value.

I pray that for 2010, you embrace those 'value' institutions - those institutions that really build character and that really shape who we are... who we want to be... who we want our children to be.

+ve vibes,
Mark

Christmas lessons

So every year around this time we get into the Christmas spirit... and even if you're not a Christmas believer, you've got to marvel at the powerful messages that the Christmas story generates. For me, there are two very significant lessons surrounding the Christmas story. The first is the idea of a little baby boy creating such an impact on the entire world... and I think about all of the little things in life that people do that add such great value to our world. Often times we overlook these little special things and so the Christmas story is a reminder that we all have something special to add to this world - no matter how small it may be.

The second lesson for me is about humility - no fancy private hospital - just a simple cow shed... and a reminder to us that wherever we may be placed in this world, whoever we may be, regardless of our rank, qualifications or position..., we are all called to serve and to serve with humility.

May this Christmas bring meaning to your life.

+ve vibes,
Mark

The true value of friendship

So, how do we measure the true value of friendship? At Mark Daly's wake earlier this evening I remembered a funny story when he was playing Championship Football for Fyzo... and his good buddy Charlie was on the receiving end of a head butt to his mouth. Charlie's mouth was severely damaged - losing most of his upper and lower front teeth. I left the game and had to rush Charlie to the hospital. Later that night at the hospital Mark appears walking along the corridor and hands me something wrapped in a paper napkin - it was Charlie's teeth! Mark had gone back to the field after the game, found Charlie's teeth and travelled from Fyzabad to San Fernando to deliver them. I don't remember if Charlie was able to re-insert his teeth - though I know that he had some major dental surgery. I still find it remarkable that Mark would have the presence of mind to go in search of Charlie's teeth and then to actually find them on a football field and deliver them to his buddy - I suppose that this gesture really reflects the value that Mark was as a friend.



+ve vibes,
Mark

Remembering Mark Daly

Many times as teachers and coaches we are credited with shaping and influencing the lives of young people... and sometimes a young person passes through your space and he/she creates a lasting impression... and the roles are reversed as they influence and shape the lives of coaches/teachers... and those with whom they interact. Although I am no longer actively coaching/teaching, I am one of the fortunate teachers/coaches who have had the opportunity to share a space in my life with many beautiful young people - students who made me think, grow, learn, love...

Today I write this blog with much sadness in my heart on the passing of a true gem of a young man. I had the opportunity to teach and coach Mark Daly when he entered Fyzabad Composite School around age 12. Mark was an outstanding athlete, representing the school at volleyball, basketball and Championship Division football. I remember him being involved in drama as well..., but it was his everlasting smile and his peaceful disposition that won him gold medals among those with whom he interacted.

Mark was any coach's dream athlete... and when I coached the National Junior volleyballers in 1997, I literally begged Mark to try out for the team - he was hesitant as the training clashed with his preparations for CXC exams... but he made the sacrifice and travelled with the team to Barbados for the Inaugural Caribbean Junior Championships - he came off the bench then, but later would be a starting player on the National Senior team... and eventually team captain!

Mark continued his education and was again my student - this time at UWI as he began his tertiary education in sport... and I continued to learn from him. At the time of his death, Mark was enrolled in the Bachelors Degree in Sport Studies at UTT... working with the Ministry of Sport and studying part-time.

Today I thank God for blessing us with this beautiful person who no doubt would have influenced and shaped many lives through the way he lived... and loved.

God bless your beautiful soul Mark - let perpetual light shine upon you and may you rest in peace...

+ve vibes,
Mark